look no pants
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
