We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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