please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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