I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
