I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize