i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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