So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
