Cold hands, warm shart.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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