happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Randomize
