apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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