Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
