Pants 0. Shit 1.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
