Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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