Are we in a gay sports bar?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
