The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
