I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize