you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
