I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
