How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
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