I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
