Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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