forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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