This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
