They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
