You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
