She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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