you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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