i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
