I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
