Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My pussy is not your playground.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
my liver is dry heaving
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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