So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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