how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
