Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
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