Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize