I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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