I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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