I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
