Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
