drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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