If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
