so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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