Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I look better un-naked...
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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