Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
