Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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