addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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