found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
