You can't motorboat a personality
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
How does one acquire holy water?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
