Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
