It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
