She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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