I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
