At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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