So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
