actually, I'm a sock model
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
