is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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