I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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