Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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