When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
