I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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