I wannas sexs uuuuu
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
