p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
