Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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