he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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