its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
