Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
