If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
