I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
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