Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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