I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize