I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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