margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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