i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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