I just pynch a tree in the face
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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