This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
