u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
