I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i drank out of a bidet.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
