I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
