My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
