I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
