found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
