It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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