I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
