he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
