If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
