Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize